I wrote a poem for you ..

I wrote your name on the sandy beach
The high tide will wash you away, I was so certain


I wrote your name on the top of that haystack
And climbed down leaving you on the misty mountain


I wrote your name making holes in that autumn leaf
And saw it drift away towards that cascade

I wrote your name with the stars, making my own constellations
And watched you fade away at day break


But you are still here, in my head in my heart
inscribed all over me
The candle I wrote your name on did melt
But not your memory
In pin drop silence I can still hear you
And in darkness I still see
Don't stand there and stare at me like this
and don't laugh at my misery
I wrote your name in a poem as my final attempt
Even the words couldn't set me free.

- Atul

Lets Kill Buddha

Blog: NO dude. No killing on this blog. And even if you wanna kill then kill that twitter thing. It's the silliest thing to happen to the world wide web and yet it has gained so much publicity. Everyone is tweeting now. No one cares about a good old blog like me.

Atul: Don't be jealous of Twitter, it will either eventually die or will be bought by Facebook or something and get a total makeover. And anyways, I was not gonna kill anyone. It's just a koan.

Blog: What is a Koan? Well, never mind, let me check out here.

Atul: So the koan I am talking about is: If you meet the Buddha, kill him.

Blog: I love it. I love cheesy movies and I love cheesy koans. This is the cheesiest of all!! Gets your attention right away! So what do you think it means?

Atul: It means a lot of things. Each one of them is 'true' because anyways there is no 'true' meaning of a koan. To put it mathematically there are MxN solutions of a koan, where is the number of people and n is their personal versions of it.

Blog: Alright, so here we have your subset of it!! Cool. Go ahead.

First: Buddha here represents religion. Any religion, be it even Buddhism, hinders your path to enlightenment. Buddha never wanted to start a new religion, he instead wanted every one to find his own religion. He was not God, I made him God and I started following Buddhism. While all Buddha wanted was me to follow 'Atulism'. So yes, kill that Buddha and find your own personal religion.

Second: Our concept of Buddha is a borrowed concept. What ever we know about him, is through books and through people who claim they know him. But we don't know who he actually was, what motivated him and how he was enlightened. If he received 'Gyaana' sitting under the Bodhee tree, or when he saw a funeral, it's just him. You may 'get it' while dancing in a club on a Saturday night or while ..... well solving this Koan!

Third: Buddha stands for enlightenment itself. On your road to Nirvana, when ever you feel that you are enlightened, take a step back, and tell yourself that you are not! The search for truth is a never ending search. And it's not the destination that matters, but the path itself.

Fourth and my favorite solution: The Buddha stands for the solution of Koan itself. When ever you find one solution, well ...

Blog: I know I know, keep on looking for other answers!

Atul: Exactly. Each one will be personal and will make you realize something else!

Blog: You know what, even I have learned something from this Koan. The technology will get enlightenment the day Artificial intelligence can solve Koans. Until then, don't be satisfied with your technological advancements and keep on inventing new stuff!

What did you do last weekend?

Atul: Hey blog, what's up!

Blog: Huh? Why? What are you doing here?

Atul: What do you mean, what I am doing here? I just felt like talking to you.

Blog: But, today is Sunday. On Sunday, humans go out and do THINGS. I have heard they go for camping, kayaking, hiking and what not in summer and even in winters they at least go for skiing. And a party every Saturday night is bare minimum. But then you may be a lower breed homo sapien, who just sits on his ass on a Sunday morning and talks to his blog.

Atul: You are talking like my Office colleagues, whose last question on a Friday evening is 'what are you doing this weekend?' and first question on a Monday morning is 'what did you do you last weekend?' I feel so awkward saying 'Well, nothing planned', ' May go for a movie' or 'stayed at home, watched TV' etc. I have started feeling guilty if I actually don't do anything on a weekend now.

Blog: And you should feel guilty. Do you know my cousin 'facebook.com'? He did an unscientific survey, and said that more than 30% of feeds on him are in 'What I did last weekend' category. With people who had seen movies, posting movie reviews and others posting pics from that Rock concert that they attended.

Atul: I know. And that's why sometimes I even hate weekends.

Blog: Hushhhhhh .. It's just between you and me. Don't tell this to anyone, people will think you are crazy. Especially all those people, who have their status message on Monday saying 'Monday blues :(' and on Friday saying 'Yipeeee ... Finally weekend is here'. Even their weekdays are obsessed with weekends. But tell me why do you hate weekends?

Atul: One problem I have with a weekend is that, the guy who invented the concept of a week, who the hell gave him the right to make it for 7 days. Why do I need 2 days off after 5, Why can't I have 4 days off after 10, or 1 day off after 3. Why do I and everyone has to follow the idiosyncrasies of a single man. Because I don't see any scientific reasoning behind it a 7 day week. If I had invented week, my week will be 15 days, 10 days nonstop work, 5 day holiday.

Blog: You can't do anything about it, can you? So just suck it up! What else?

Atul: My main problem with a weekend is that earlier only on new year eve or my birth day, I will realize that 'Oh my God, one year has passed away and now I am one one year closer to death'.
But with this weekend thing, every Sunday night, I review my week and see the time passing away and realize that 'Oh my God, one more weekend gone from my life, and all I did on Saturday night was watched an episode of Rakhi Sawant ka Sawamwar'.

Blog: dude, really? This confirms everything, any one (if he is not deaf and blind) who has ever been able to sit through complete episode of that show is indeed a lower breed homo sapien.

Lovers are wrong about the Moon

Blog: Hey Atul, you there?

Atul: Yeah, what's up bloggy?

Blog: I just read something and wanted to share that with you. I hope you are not busy.

Atul: I am in the middle of fixing this bug on my project website that only happens on Internet Explorer 6. It is killing me. I just hate working on browser compatibility issues. Why the hell, all browsers can't follow a single protocol.

Blog: Oh, don't fret about that. That's how most of you clumsy developers maintain your jobs, fixing these issues. But nevermind, i wanted to talk about the Moon.

Atul: Go ahead mister.

Blog: So I was reading about the moon and the lunar phases. You know like, how there is a new moon, then a crescent, then half .. then full, this whole cycle. And then I just realized something. I have heard that many human lovers do this. The guy will tell the girl, 'at 10 P.M. go to the terrace and watch the moon, I'll be watching the same moon. And then I'll blow a kiss towards the moon and you also do the same. We will not be together but the moon will be our connection'

Atul: How romantic! I can tell you, girls just lap on this stuff. If you are trying to woo a girl, just play this trick. I never knew, you had such a mushy side to you bloggy.

Blog: But here's the mistake the lover made. Yes, if the guy lives in Lajpat Nagar, Delhi and the girl lives in Gandhi Nagar, Delhi. They will share the same moon. But think about it, if the guy lives in Delhi, and the girl lives in New York. This will NEVER work. Because when it's day in new york, it's night in delhi, so how will they see the same moon ? Aren't lovers crazy?

Atul: Oh my God. I think I am crazy that I am hearing all this bullshit. Is that why you called me while I was in the middle of my work.

Blog: What? You don't find this profound? Let me give you one more example. Let's say the guy lives in New York and the girl lives in Peru and let's say it's a half moon. They will have night at the same time because they are pretty much on the same longitude so yeah they will see the moon at the same time. But the moon that the new york guy will see will be different from the peru girl's moon. The half moon which is illuminated for the guy is not the half moon that is illuminated for the girl. Because they are in different hemispheres of the Earth, new york being in the north and peru in south. In fact at any time, roughly only 1/4th of the world can see the same moon. Isn't that amazing?

Atul: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee .... that's the sound I make when I am frustrated. What you are doing, is what we used to call in college as 'bakchodi'. I have no time for it right now.

Blog: What a put off :( Damn you humans! You just don't have any scientific fervor. Keep on living in your insane poetic world. And I hope you keep on fixing browser issues on your website your whole life.

Atul: Amen, that's much better than being part of this stupid blog entry.

Rock n' Roll Marathon and Time Travel

Blog: Hey dude, what's up? Don't tell me you participated in that Marathon that took place in Seattle last weekend!

Atul: Yes sir. I did! But I just did half, not full.

Blog: Wow! I can't believe it. You were such a chair potato.

Atul: chair potato?

Blog: You know, couch potato ~ TV and chair potato ~ computer. Never mind my stupid jokes. What's up with Time Travel?

Atul: For last few months, two things that have occupied me are preparing for the marathon, and two of my favorite TV shows LOST and Doctor Who. And both these shows have a underlying theme of time travel. So I am gonna borrow the TARDIS for a while, and do some time travel to share with you how I prepared for the event.

Blog: That's so coooool.

CLICK

Atul: Allright, here we are. circa Nov 2008
I already run on treadmill in my Apartment's Gym. Some time back I managed to do 3 miles for the first time. And last week I read an email on a Microsoft employee alias on behalf of a NGO called 'Asha for Education'. So people volunteer and run for this NGO and raise funds as donations from their friends and family. These funds are used for many of Asha's programs across India.

Blog: What? You are the one who is running, and people give money to support your run? Why would they do that? Sounds so scoofy.

Atul: Sure it sounds scoofy, that's why yesterday I went to one of the NGO's meeting to find out more about it. And I was really impressed by these guys and their dedication towards their cause i.e. Education in India. I got a chance to speak to a few past runners. I think I may eventually run with them. May be just for the fun of it, and donation can be a side effect :)

Blog: All right. Hey, don't .. don't .. please don't press that button ...

CLICK

Atul: Here we are, March 2009.

Blog: oh, come on. Couldn't we have spent more time in November 2008? The Mumbai Attack was just going to happen. I wanted to follow that news again.

Atul: I always knew you had a sadistic side too. This blog entry is for my marathon and I don't want to talk about anything gory. And guess what, a few days ago, I came back from my India trip. Before I left India, I had already run 5 miles once on a tread mill. But now I am scared, after 3 weeks of no running and some 100 still undigested aloo ka paranthas that I had on my trip, I am not fit for any marathon sharathon. I am not sure if I am going to register for it, today morning I could barely run 3 miles.

CLICK

Atul: 16th April, 2009. yeaaaaahhhhhh .... I registered for the half marathon a minute ago. I was really double minded but then I realized that there's hardly anything I have done off late to make me proud of myself so I am not letting go of this opportunity. I ran 6 miles last Saturday. I have already come a long way from a time when running a mile made me feel like Milka Singh! Just over a couple of months to go but I'll make it.

Blog: Of course you will. This whole marathon thing is kind off dumb. You run on an average pace, stop in between to take rest, drink water and even eat energy bars while running. For sure, you will run the 13.1 miles. After all there is no time limit.

Atul: Don't underestimate it bloggy. I agree, that even tomorrow, given ample time I can run 13.1 miles. But the reason why we have to train are that 1) there is little chance of any injury. Even after 5 miles, my knees are crampy and feet sore. So we need to accustom our body for longer runs in phases. 2) You don't know how your body is going to react in a long run unless you have done it before. There are chances of people getting fatigued out. In every marathon, on an average 10 - 15 % runners quit in the event. 3) I DO have a target time in my mind. I want to complete it in 131 minutes. At an exact pace of 10 minutes for a mile.
And now I am going to press this button again.

CLICK

Atul: May end., 2009. I have started sending emails to my friends asking to donate and support my run. All the donation will go for the relief for victims of Cyclone Aila that ravaged the Bay of Bengal coast. I have not received a lot of feedback but a few friends have congratulated me on taking up this and said really kind words! I am pumped up. Last Saturday I ran 10 miles for the first time. Well actually, ran 9 miles and walked 1 mile. Last 1 mile, my feet simply refused to listen to me. As if they had a life of their own and were saying to me.
"You son of a gun. Why don't you use your f**king mouth to sing songs in charity shows or use your hands to write free source code software (or a decent blog), if you want to raise money for welfare of poor Indian kids. naaaah, you choose the easy route with us being the victim"

Blog: Poor feet. Now take me to the D day.

CLICK

Atul: Nope, a couple of days before it. 25th June, 2009.
I have received mixed response for the emails that I sent to my friends and conversations I had on phone. A few of my friends were really forthcoming and donated full hearted, and then there were others :-) But I am not judging anyone here. People are different, and what ticks them is different too. But overall I am glad with the amount that I have been able to raise.
But all is not well on running side. June has been an emotionally tumultuous month due to work and other few turn of events. I ran only on Saturdays as I couldn't run on weekdays. I am not getting enough sleep and my biggest worry is how do I wake up at 4:30 AM day after tomorrow. The only aluminium lining is that I did run 13 miles last Saturday. But it was way too slow than my target time.

Blog: I like that phrase though, 'aluminum lining'. Glass half full or half empty? Go figure.

CLICK

Blog: Back to present!! So how was the actual run and over all marathon experience?

Atul: It was good. The best part was that there were 25K runners participating in the event which was really overwhelming and encouraging. The bad part was that there were 25K runners and even while I wanted to run faster, it was difficult to make way through loads and loads of runners. I completed the 13.1 miles in 02:20:49 to be precise. Not what I hoped for, but none the less the best I had ever done. The course was really nice, but last few miles I could hardly notice anything around. I was almost running like a zombie.

Blog: Congratulations dude! hey, what the hell? what are you doing? why are you pressing that button again ??

Atul: Oh, my time machine takes me to future too. So here we are: 29th November, 2009. And guess what! Today I ran a FULL marathon at the Seattle Marathon. That's 26.2 miles!! I didn't raise funds this time and ran just for the heck of it. But yeah, it feels good, I completed in 262 minutes and ....

Blog: Your time machine sucks dude! No one knows the future, you even don't know if you will be alive by that time. Some crazy drunken driver may run you over making you a handicap for entire life. Your H1 extension may get rejected and you are sent back to India. Or you are suddenly diagnosed with Breast Cancer and told that you will live only for 3 more months making you a hermit and leave for Himalayas. Ah well, make it a lung cancer :)

Atul: Shut UP Blog.